Excitement and Calm

A few weeks ago I read N.T. Wright's book “Surprised by Hope.” It was a really wonderful book about the Christian view on life after death and what that means to us in the here and now. The book was full of new insights for me even though the basic premise was exactly what I'd been taught at my church from the beginning. While I was reading it, and for several days after, I felt really excited about the kingdom of God. I prayed more often, and I had a really strong desire to do something to build up God's kingdom right now. But as is usual for me, this excitement was in some ways short-lived. I still had a thesis to finish revising, I still had my job hunt, my Christmas baking, my connections to family and friends (yes, and church) to maintain, plans to carry out, etc. I simply didn't, and maybe couldn't, maintain the level of excitement I'd felt before. But I think I learned a few things from it.

One is that good theological reading is very helpful to my spirituality. I read during most meals, and reading about God means I'm thinking about God and more likely to pray and to be more conscious about loving my neighbor and working for God's kingdom and giving thanks and caring for creation. Sunday worship and adult formation and youth leadership have this effect also, but books have the advantage of being right there and requiring no additional planning once they're present. There is, of course, the risk of getting too much into reading and thinking to the exclusion of serving and doing, but I found that the reading tended to support a sense of mission for me.

The second thing is that prayer is important, and I ought to try to be better at it. There's so much in the world that I can't directly change, where prayer is about the only thing I can do, so it seems like I ought to at least do that. But even more important is simply being in relationship with God – I think that's what Paul really meant by “pray without ceasing.” I'm still working out how to do that when I'm involved in a task that requires my full concentration, but I did have a few moments where it seemed like I was both working on my thesis and communing with God. I think a lot of it is to keep turning my attention back to God whenever I remember / He reminds me.

The last, and maybe biggest, thing is that having my level of excitement drop isn't the end of the world. It's great to be inspired and to learn new things and to have hope renewed, but just like in a romantic relationship, one can't be super-excited all the time. Eventually you need some of that energy for sticking with the day-to-day of working and playing and learning and loving. God isn't less present just because my neurons are firing at a slower rate or I'm not as flooded with dopamine. And good work still gets done and life still has joy within its routines. There seems to be an oscillation between intense excitement and calm work. Much like the liturgical calendar – the white seasons of Easter and Christmas compared to the green seasons after Pentecost and Epiphany. Add in the purple seasons of Lent and Advent for humble discernment...maybe the church knows a thing or two ;-) It's true that the excitement of new ideas (or joyful music, or enthusiastic youth) gives me a boost in my practice of being aware of God's presence, but it's also true that the effort of trying to practice my faith when the excitement has faded has value of its own.